


Better To Have Loved

by PizzaHorse



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled: The Series (Cartoon)
Genre: Best Friends, Bonding, Comfort, Concern, Confessions, Confusing, Confusion, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Emotional, Emotions, Episode: s02e16 Rapunzel: Day One, F/F, Falling In Love, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Feels, Female Friendship, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Honesty, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, Memories, Memory Alteration, Minor Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Realization, Sad, Slow Romance, Strong Female Characters, Talking, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, mirror, s02e17 Mirror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 21:51:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18583282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PizzaHorse/pseuds/PizzaHorse
Summary: Rapunzel and Cassandra have a much needed heart to heart after the events caused by the Wand of Forgetting.





	Better To Have Loved

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neopuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neopuff/gifts).



> Takes place between "Rapunzel: Day One" and "Mirror, Mirror".

"Do you think if you had found me in the tower instead of Eugene, I would have fallen in love with you?"

Cassandra had been keeping first watch again. She heard everyone go off to bed, and assumed Rapunzel had joined them, until she appeared next to her. Her legs were curled up to her chest, and the princess was uncharacteristically silent. Cassandra theorized Rapunzel probably had a nightmare shortly after falling asleep, and just wanted some company until she grew tired again. They'd frequently gone through a similar routine at the castle, before they set off to follow the Black Rocks. The quietness normally suited Cassandra, but with Rapunzel around, it felt a little weird. Her question several minutes later did not make things any less weird.

"Anything is possible, Raps," she replied, trying to appear nonchalant despite the fact that she had wished more times than she could count that she had been the one to rescue Rapunzel.

"So you  _do_  think we could have-"

"Yeah, maybe. I don't know," this really wasn't a discussion she wanted to have, especially not after she had gotten a glimpse of an alternate reality where her secret dream came true.

"Do you think it's too late for us to?"

"What?"

"Fall in love."

Cassandra whipped around, heart fluttering in her chest as she tried to process what she had just heard. She  _must_  have fallen asleep while on watch. This was all a dream. Just another fantasy her subconscious had conjured.  _Wake up, wake up, wake up!_  her brain yelled, as her gaze settled on the princess. Her chin was nestled into her knees as she stared out at the forest. She looked gorgeous in the moonlight. She looked gorgeous in the sunlight, too. Cassandra shook her head, trying to clear it of delusional thoughts. Rapunzel was always curious about the world around her, and this was probably just another passing fancy that she simply wanted to explore.

"What about Eugene?" The reminder of Rapunzel's current romantic and nearly betrothed partner helped steady Cassandra's nerves and bring her back down to Earth.

Rapunzel stretched out her legs, letting them dangle towards the ground. Her hands fidgeted in her lap for a moment, before her fingers moved to trace patterns in the smooth rock where they were both perched. "Ever since you used the Wand of Forgetting on me, everything's been really  _confusing_. Eugene was the first person I can ever remember meeting, besides Moth-  _Gothel_. But now I have memories of you being the first person I ever met. Experiencing the world for the first time, not with Eugene, but with you.

"Everything was so frightening. Seeing a world outside my tower for the first time. But you were there, and your smile was so warm and comforting, I didn't feel like I had to be afraid. Even though I had no idea where I was or what danger lay ahead, I knew you would take care of and protect me. You made it not so scary," Rapunzel offered up one of her not-so-rare smiles, thinking of the alternate memories of her first taste of freedom.

"I know you aren't normally very affectionate, but I distinctly remember you letting me lean up against you by the campfire, without protest. And I felt the same feelings I first felt with Eugene coming to the surface every time I looked at you. I thought about how nice it was to talk to and bond with another person. You looked so beautiful under the starlight, right before I figured out you were taking me the wrong way."

"Raps, I am  _far_  from beautiful," Cassandra smiled wanly, "But I appreciate the sentiment. I'm sure  _anyone_  looks good when you've been cooped up with Gothel all your life," the small hint of positive emotion left as her face fell. "I'm still so sorry I cast that spell on you. You didn't deserve to relive all that fear and uncertainty again. I try so hard to protect you, and _I_ was the one who put you in danger. I put this entire mission in jeopardy, because I let my  _emotions_  get the best of me," she growled as she balled her good hand into a fist, still beating herself up over her mistake.

"Would it be bad if I said I think I'm glad it happened?"

"What? Why?"

"Because it helped me realize I've always thought you were beautiful, Cass," the princess ignored her friend's previous denial, "but I just thought it was in the way one girl can appreciate another girl who is attractive. Since the memory incident, I've been wondering... If you had found me first, why couldn't it have been you I fell in love with? Random chance brought Eugene to the tower, and it could have just as easily led you there. How would my life-  _our_  lives- be different?

"At first, I thought the feeling would go away. I know I'm not going to forget what happened, but it isn't reality. It's how things  _could have_  happened, not the way they did happen. But they...  _did_  happen, in some way. I was there and you were there. You're always there for me, Cass.

"Even though you didn't find me in the tower, you did find me in the castle. You found me in your own way. You were my first best friend. Every time I look into my future, I see you right by my side. I can't imagine going a day without seeing you, without spending time with you. I don't just want you by my side, I want you  _by my side_. Close to me, like-" Rapunzel blew a puff of air at some stray hair, knocking it out of her eyes. It seemed to be an excuse not to finish her previous train of thought.

Cassandra felt dizzy. Rapunzel was typically very upfront about her feelings, and though Cass was getting most of the gist, the princess was being unusually dodgy about what she was trying to say. Normally honest, never-wanting-to-keep-a-secret Rapunzel would spout exactly what she was thinking, often without prompting. This whole being cryptic and analytical thing was new.

And it was confusing for Cassandra too, because it wasn't like she had never thought about the princess in… more intimate ways. No one could guess that behind her cool and collected exterior, her interior was soft and mushy for one golden-haired lady. Not that Cassandra ever thought she'd have a chance to express those feelings. Rapunzel was very happy with Eugene, and someday they'd be married and have children and Cassandra would fade out of the picture. Probably go and make her own life. Hopefully get over her feelings and find some other woman to settle down with. Heartache was a normal and necessary part of life, and Cassandra had accepted long ago that her heart would always ache for Rapunzel, but never find respite.

"That's when I realized maybe the feeling isn't going away because it's always been here," Rapunzel's voice cut through Cassandra's inner turmoil. "Maybe it just took me awhile to understand it. Maybe getting Eugene out of my head and my life for a minute opened me up to new possibilities. Possibilities I had never considered."

"So you've been thinking a lot?" was all Cassandra could muster. As if it wasn't obvious by the volume of words Rapunzel had just spilled out. She really couldn't think of anything better to say. This,  _whatever_  this was, was really happening. Rapunzel was, more or less, confessing her feelings for Cassandra,  _romantic_  feelings, in the most roundabout way possible. If her confession was genuine, where did that leave Eugene? Cassandra certainly wasn't his biggest fan, which was obvious to everyone, but she would never hope for any permanent damage- physical or emotional- to befall him.

Rapunzel nodded, glancing up to see her friend staring down at her. Even when Cass tried to remain stoic, she could always catch a glimpse of concern behind those hazel eyes whenever she looked at her. If Rapunzel thought about it, Cassandra didn't look at anyone else in the same way. She had previously chalked it up to Cass being her best friend, but now...

"You were the first real friend I made in Corona, and you've been by my side almost as long as Eugene has. You've helped me on this journey just as much, if not more. You helped me adjust to royal life, you were there to answer all my questions and show me around and teach me all there was to know about the world. You helped me over the last several months to stop believing in the lies Gothel told me all my life.

"You didn't have to do  _any_  of that. You weren't even required to join me in following the Black Rocks, but you did. I am so grateful to have you here, and I don't think I've properly told you how much it means to have you with me. How much it means to me that you're in my life. You always have my back and I always want to have yours."

"I'm really glad to hear you say that, Raps," Cassandra turned, offering the princess a smile. "I was starting to think-"

No.  _No_. This was all wrong. Cassandra was not a feelings person. Actually, she did have a lot of feelings, but those feelings stayed locked up inside and never saw the light of day. Especially not her feelings for the long lost princess of Corona,  _Rapunzel_. She had a job to do, a duty to her kingdom and her country. She came on this journey to protect the princess, because protecting her meant protecting Corona's future. She was a soldier on a mission, nothing more. She just had to keep telling herself that until she believed it.

"Starting to think what?" Rapunzel prodded.

Cassandra recalled the mess she'd made the last time she'd told Rapunzel to forget about something. The  _super recent_  last time that was currently the topic of their conversation. She knew all too well Raps wasn't one to let things go. If she didn't talk now, it'd be non-stop nagging until she did. And Cassandra certainly didn't want another accident happening on account of her hiding things from the princess. Also, she couldn't say no to Raps' inquisitive puppy-dog eyes.

"I was starting to think you only see me as a servant."

"What? Cass, that's  _not_  true! Is this- Did Eugene say something? I know you two argue but if he told you that, that's crossing a line!"

Cassandra hesitated. Rapunzel had made her stance clear about a certain guide who had helped them through the Forest of No Return and the Great Tree. Their friendship, if there was anything left of it, was already on rocky ground after this latest incident. Speaking ill of someone Raps trusted could cause more irreparable damage. But what did she have to lose?

" _Adira_  said something. At the Great Tree. And after you started listening to her and you started ignoring me, I thought maybe I'd made our friendship out to be more than it actually was. I am your lady-in-waiting. I am here to serve you and obey your commands. She just put me in my place. I _tried_ to prove her wrong, to prove I meant something to you and that you trusted me over some stranger. But  _you_  proved me wrong instead. You trusted Adira, you put yourself at risk, you didn't let me protect you. I just wanted-" Cassandra bit her lip to keep it from quivering, pushing down the small spark of emotion that was threatening to show itself, "It doesn't matter what I want. This journey is about _you_  and  _your_  destiny and I need to be better at listening to orders," she briefly considered getting up right then and there and going for a walk, but a hand grasping at the crook of her elbow made her pause.

"I know you don't like Adira, and she's not very fond of you either. But out here, we need all the help we can get, and as few enemies as possible," Rapunzel trailed her hand down to grab Cassandra's tightly, "Cass, all the decisions I've made out here have been  _hard_. All of your lives are in MY hands. You are all out here, because of ME. Away from your homes and your families, and there's a chance none of us make it back. If anything happens to you, any of you, but especially  _you_ , I am  _responsible_. I decided to take this crazy journey and I didn't ask anyone else to come with me, but you did. I don't know how I would have made it this far without you, but it's still terrifying to think that at any moment, something bad could happen. That's  _why_  I used the decay spell. Everyone was in danger and I was panicking and I did what I thought was the right thing to do. We are  _so close_  to reaching the Dark Kingdom, and I can't let anything happen to anyone. Even if something happens to  _me_ , as long as you all make it home safe, that's all that matters."

She was crying now, ever unabashed at wearing her heart on her sleeve. One hand scrubbed furiously at her eyes while the other squeezed Cass' hand ever tighter. Cassandra glanced back at the camp to make sure no one else had woken up, then pulled Rapunzel in close to her chest. Her friend- her  _princess_ \- needed her now. The same way she'd needed her at the castle when she was overwhelmed with her duties as royalty or when she had nightmares.

"Raps, I know this is stressful for all of us. But we're going to get through it. We're ALL going home. I'll make sure of it," she held Rapunzel a little closer for emphasis.

"Cass," Rapunzel sniffled, once she had calmed herself enough to talk again, "I need you to know how much you mean to me. I need you to know if you found me before Eugene did, I  _would_  have fallen in love with you first. I need you to know I'm in love with you  _now_. It just took a little push for me to realize it. You mean so much more to me than I could possibly say with words, and you know I can say  _a lot_  of words. You always have. I'm just  _stupid_."

"You're  _not_  stupid!" It baffled Cassandra how such a glamourous ray of sunshine could get such a dark cloud over her head. " _I'm_  stupid! I'm the one who cast the forgetting spell and started all this in the first place.  _I'm_  the one who fell in love with  _you_. I go above and beyond my duties to you, not because I'm your servant, but because I want to share as many moments as I can with you. Someday, you'll marry Eugene, because you love  _him_ , and there won't be room for me in your life anymore."

"Cass, that's not-"

"I want you to be happy. I really do. But watching the two of you have the life I wish could have with you, would be torture.  _Love_  is torture, Raps. It's this parasitic thing that worms its way into your brain and then it consumes your heart and makes all your thoughts and hopes and dreams revolve around one person. Even if they're a person you can never have. Stupid, right?"

"No! Not stupid!" Rapunzel pushed away, hands splayed against Cassandra's armor. "Cass, your feelings matter-"

"You just  _think_  they matter because of the spell," Cassandra pulled Rapunzel's hands away from her chest and nested them in her friend's lap before letting them go. "You're. In love. With Eugene. Coming between you two wouldn't be right of me."

Rapunzel scooted across the rock, putting distance between them. "What if you're not the one that comes between Eugene and me? What if  _I'm_  the one?"

"Raps, what are you saying?"

"Everybody says he loves me, and I think he does care about me. Sometimes I just wonder if he mostly loves  _the idea_  of me. If he loves the idea of becoming a prince and someday the king and never having to worry about food or shelter again. He had a hard life. Then he rescued me, and now he has the undying gratitude of all of Corona. And he deserves all of that! But he can have most of it without being married to me.

"Eugene has his own life, his own friends. He had a life before he met me and he still lives it. Which is, not to say you didn't or don't have a life, you're just… always there, with me. You're always the one that offers to come with me when I want to explore or look for supplies or if we get trapped somewhere. You're always willing to risk your life for me. Eugene has been so indispensable on our journey, and I know he'd do the same if I asked, but with you, I don't ever have to ask.

"And that's… he loves me in his own way and that's okay. It doesn't mean he loves me any less because he lets me have my independence and take care of myself. But sometimes, he gives me a little  _too much_  freedom. Sometimes it feels like we're so distant, we're drifting apart."

"So you've fallen out of love a little," Cassandra had managed to beat back any affection she had been feeling, and was now focused on helping Rapunzel with an apparent relationship problem. "You just need to reignite the spark. I'm sure this journey has been difficult for you two without having any privacy. But when you get home, everything can go back to normal."

"That's just it. What if I don't want the spark to reignite? What if I want to start a new spark?"

"Raps, that's crazy. You and Eugene-"

"Cass, I am  _not_  crazy. I've been reflecting a lot on what has happened in my life. Where I've been. Where I'm going. Who I'm taking with me. Not just to the Dark Kingdom, but to my future. My future where I'm queen and I'm responsible for all of Corona and I have someone by my side ruling with me. Who that could be.

"I thought you always wanted to be close by because we're friends and we care about each other.  _Of course_  we care about each other. But I started to wonder if things had turned out differently, with the tower and everything, if maybe I would care about you…  _more_. In the way I cared-  _care_ \- about Eugene.

"Part of me feels like maybe I just got caught up in everything. Having my freedom, meeting another person, discovering the world. Maybe I rushed into things. I keep telling Eugene I'm not ready to marry him, and I tell myself I will be someday. But in all honesty, I can never see myself being ready. I like what I have with Eugene, but maybe I'd like it more if the things I share with him were shared with someone else instead.

"Another part of me feels like I owe him. He rescued me, he saved me, and he reunited me with my family. I should be- I  _am_ \- grateful for that. I make him happy, and he makes me happy, but I'm worried the ways we make each other happy are no longer the same. I don't want to hurt him after everything he's done for me, for my family, for Corona. I don't know what to do, Cass. I don't think it's as simple as falling out of love temporarily. What if I'm falling out of love with him  _forever_?"

"This is really bothering you, huh?"

Rapunzel nodded, fresh liquid gathering at the corners of her eyes.

Cassandra sighed heavily. She really hadn't expected to be playing comforter or therapist or whatever this was. But here she was, and here Rapunzel was, and here they both were. Spilling their guts out into the night air. Moreso Raps than herself. So maybe it was time to divulge a long-kept secret.

"I have to be honest, I can't say I haven't thought about it. How things could have been if I'd gotten to you first. I've thought about it for a long time, actually. Way before I accidentally cast a spell on you, and way before we even started this journey. I've thought about what it would have been like if I had found you instead of Eugene. I got a glimpse of that, and it was so  _nice_  to be so close to you. You were so vulnerable and I wanted nothing more than to protect you. Sometimes it feels like you don't need me at all. But if I'd been there, in the beginning, maybe you'd always feel like you needed me. The way you feel like you need Eugene. And I could always be by your side, protecting you."

"That does sound nice."

The moonlight made it hard to tell, but Cassandra could swear she saw Rapunzel blushing. Time to backpedal. "Yeah, well, we all think about things that will never be reality, Raps. It's not a big deal," she shrugged.

"Cass, your hopes and dreams  _are_  a big deal to me! Especially if they involve me. I think about you all the time, but I guess I've been so wrapped up in getting to know my mom and dad and the coronation and figuring out this whole princess thing that I've never considered you might see me as more than a friend. Or that I might feel the same way. Everything is so complicated and overwhelming and on the days when I feel like I'm going to  _lose my mind_ , just having you there helps me take a step back and breath. It's like everything feels like it's going to be okay, as long as you're there.

"Eugene is adventurous and I  _like_  adventure, but I can't always predict what he's going to do. He proposed to me in front of my parents, and you, and all of the royals in town for the coronation. Maybe he thought I would be ready, and I'm sure a lot of other girls would have enjoyed such a public proposal, but that's not me. And even though it's only been a few months, he almost proposed  _again_  during our travels. Maybe he thought I'd say yes if it wasn't in front of as many people. Maybe he's ready to get married and I'm _not_. He  _is_  older and he's had time to get his fill of the world, while my life is just beginning. He's ready to settle down. He is content to lounge in the castle most of the time while I'd rather be out beyond the walls of Corona. I want him to be able to have that relaxed, worry free life. I want him to be happy."

"You deserve to be happy too, Raps. I know you love Eugene and I  _want_  you to be happy. I wouldn't wish to take that happiness away from you. No matter what  _I_  want, this is  _your_  life. And I can't change- I mean, there are a lot of mythical artifacts in the world and I'm sure if I really wanted to I  _could_  change who found you first but- that wouldn't be right. Everything played out like it did for a reason. You're happy with Eugene, and taking that away because of my own selfish feelings… Even if you would never know,  _I would_. I'd know what I stole from you. You love him, and he loves you, and I am learning to be okay with that. I don't like him, but I lov-  _like_  you. At the end of the day, I just want what's best for you. Even if I'm not what's best for you."

"But you are what's best for me, Cass. I care for you, just as much as I do for Eugene. Maybe  _more_. And that's what I'm worried about. I'm- I'm not worried about caring for you, I'm worried about not caring for Eugene… anymore."

"Oh," Rapunzel's resistance was finally starting to settle in, "You're really serious about this. You're like, sure,  _sure_?"

Rapunzel grasped the fabric of her dress in her hands, playing with it nervously. "I know this all feels like it's happening because of the spell, but it's not. I'm  _not_  sure, but I'm almost sure, but I-"

"Don't want to compromise the mission."

"Right," Rapunzel exhaled slowly, like a weight had been lifted off of her chest and she was finally able to breath again.

"I know he can be immature at times. But, he's old enough that he should be able to respect the decisions you make about your life. You said it yourself, he has his own life to live. At least talk with him. You leaving him is like a fantasy come true for me, but that doesn't mean I want there to be any bad blood between him or any of your friends. And I don't want you to make the wrong decision because you're feeling pressured. This is about your life, and your happiness. No one else's."

"But deciding to maybe, possibly, break- not be together anymore, affects him too."

"Staying together is clearly affecting you."

"I know,  _I know_. But I had to be honest with you about what I'm feeling. I've always been able to confide in you and trust you. I want to keep doing that forever. Ha, I'm probably starting to sound like a broken record I just… I want you to know that what I feel for you is  _real_. And I'm glad you opened up about your feelings, too. I know that's difficult for you, and I know it means you trust me more than I could ever comprehend.  _Please_  don't say anything to Eugene. I'm still trying to work things out and process them. But more importantly, I don't want to mess anything up before we reach the Dark Kingdom."

"You know this mission is my top priority. I'm not about to do anything to compromise it."

"Thank you. I knew I could trust you."

Rapunzel looked towards the camp and yawned, sleep calling her back to her bed. Traveling was draining enough, and now on top of it she was dealing with emotional exhaustion. The fate of Corona rested on her shoulders, but the burden was easier to bear knowing she wasn't alone. She moved to stand, but just before she did, she leaned over to plant a tender kiss against Cassandra's cheek.

"Thank you for listening."

Cassandra's hand brushed her face where her friend's lips had just been. She smiled sheepishly, ducking her head to try to hide her blush. There were few things in life that could get her flustered, and affection from Rapunzel topped the list.

"Any time, Raps. I could listen to you all day."

The golden-haired princess smiled and nodded, tucking back a stray hair behind her ear. She rocked on the balls of her feet, heart still heavy with words left unsaid, but body too tired to allow her to express them tonight. "Well, goodnight," she lingered a moment longer, taking in the vision of the other woman under the light of the night sky.

"Night, Raps."

It wasn't long before Cassandra found herself alone again. She let out a heavy sigh, almost like she'd been holding her breath the whole time. She was still trying to convince herself that the entire conversation she'd just had wasn't some kind of dream. Rapunzel-  _Rapunzel_ \- was in love with her! Rapunzel wanted her. Rapunzel chose her! Sure, there were probably more ideal times for her to reveal such information, but at least she wasn't like Cassandra and was able to openly discuss her feelings.

She touched the space on her cheek again where Rapunzel had made contact. Yep, this felt real. No dreams, no weird spells, no wild imaginings. Raps had really beat her to the punch with her confession. Not that Cassandra had ever had  _any_  intention of revealing her feelings about the princess. But with her friend so unsure and confused, it felt unfair for her to be the only one sharing.

 _Well, I certainly won't have trouble keeping watch tonight,_  Cass thought. Her mind and her heart were both racing, head filled with visions of a potential future with Rapunzel. Those thoughts came often, especially on these lonely watches, but tonight, they were more vivid than ever. There was still no guarantee things would work out, and Cassandra knew better than to get her hopes up. Still, she couldn't stop herself from thinking,

_Wow. Dreams do come true._


End file.
